chokladostkaka:

Driving a car can be fun, but sometimes it’s dangerous. Drinking and driving seems like a fun way to pass the time, maybe it isn’t such a good idea.

If the good Lord wanted us to drink and drive, we would’ve been born with smashed faces.

Private Joe’s going to have to spread your guts to the side of the road. That’s okay, blood makes the grass grow.

Say, you wouldn’t happen to have an extra-big spatula, would you? Billy’s got some eggs. Eggs that are his intestines.

Where’s Glenda? Late again? She’d better drive extra fast. Oh no, her tits are on Oakdale Street and her brains are on Willow Drive. That’s two block away. Long way for tits to be away from brains.

He’s still clutching the steering wheel…with his face! Eyeballs, anyone? Wonder what he was thinking? Well, look at his brains, maybe that’ll tell you.